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中考优秀作文范文

发布时间:2013-12-30 12:50:21  

为学生铺筑一条 通往英语中考作文 高分之路

2009佳作欣赏
Now that I’m leaving secondary school in a few days, I want to write a song for my school to express my gratitude. The lyrics will be full of our glorious memories, and the music will be played by the band of our own. I hope that the teachers and students will enjoy the song as it can always remind us of our unforgettable school life even if we’ll be apart some day. You see, now I’ve got to work hard to make my dream of writing a song for my school come true!(18) 点评:内容有新意 语言通顺 有较好点缀

2010佳作欣赏
I’m a person who is always confident and ready to try anything new.
However, swimming has once been a nightmare for me after drowning in the water. When I finally ruled the water around my body, I felt rather

proud of myself. At the beginning of the swimming test, I took a deep
breath and then jumped into the water. Fears disappeared when I went straight ahead. I reached the wall in the end full of joy and pride. Since then, I realized the meaning of the saying, ‘Nothing ventured, nothing gained’! (18)

点评: 有真实事例,可信度高 语言 熟练 词语和谚语使用恰当 若能分段,则更出彩

2011年写话
? I’m

a member of … ? 要求描述 ? 自己是什么团队的一员 ? 自己在这团队中的经历 ? 自己作为成员之一的感受

2011年佳作欣赏
?

?

?

?

Family is a person’s best shelter. It provides care, love and happiness for a man. Everyone has his own family. So do I. I’m very glad to be a member of my family. In my family, my father works hard and earns money for us. He intends to make us have a comfortable life. My mother takes charge of some important things in my family, and she does the housework. I try my best to study hard and sometimes I help my parents to do not only housework but also other things. I feel very good being a member of my family. On one hand, the positive atmosphere in my family spreads an active attitude in my mind. It helps me a lot and makes me get rid of my bad habits. In addition, I learn how to face and overcome a coming problem. On the other hand, my parents gives me care and love all the time. So I get aware of the importance of love and care little by little and bit by bit. Besides, my parents teach me how to respect other people and how to live independently. The knowledge they teach me is really useful and I’m really thankful to my parents. Family is very precious to a man. No one can live a happy life without his own family. So let’s cherish our families and enjoy being members of our families!(18) 点评:写作条理清晰,段落层次感强,语言老练,措辞巧妙。

解读作文题目
Step 3 Step 2 Step 1

运用语言

明确内容

审读题目

Step 1 审读题目
1

读懂和理解题干提供的信息

2

寻找题干中的关键词 (团队)

3

明确对文体的要求 (夹叙

夹议)

Step 2 明确内容
1

针对性的选择怎样一个团队?
想一想在这个团队中影响最深的经历是 什么? 谈谈从这个团队中的经历可以得出的感悟 和启迪是什么?

2

3

Step 3 运用语言
1

语言的纯正地道性

2

语言在不同语境与文体中的语用特征

具体剖析
文章中运用了连接词,过渡句和适当运用了一 些 从句,使文章清晰,饱满。 其中第二问展开了颇为具体的论证:小作者运 了 on one hand, on the other hand ,从两个方面来论 述。 一方面,他论述了家庭和谐积极向上的氛围, 给他的人生态度所传递的正能量,同时也帮助了 他如何改掉坏习惯,如何面对和克服困难。 另一方面,也谈到了父母给他的爱善始善终, 从不间断,渐渐地,他也明白了得到爱是多么重 要,多么幸福啊!另外,父母也教会了他如何尊 重别人,学会独立,学会感恩。

彰显语言能力
Step 4 Step 3 Step 2 Step 1
准确运用词 汇和短语 灵活运用句 型和结构
自然衔接 句子和语义

合理布局段 落和素材

? 表示并列: on one hand, on the other hand,
beside not only … but also … ? 有用词组: provides … for… a man intends to make sb take charge of try my best help sb to do sth the positive atmosphere spreads an active attitude get rid of my bad habits. teach me how to respect

1.It provides care, love and happiness for a man. 2. Everyone has his own family. So do I.(倒装句) 3. I’m very glad to be a member of my family 4. I feel very good being a member of my family. 5. I’m really thankful to my parents. 6. The knowledge they teach me is really useful and I’m really thankful to my parents. (定语从句) 7. I try my best to study and sometimes I help my parents to do not only housework but also other things. (并列句)

The secret of success is constancy of purpose. 成功的秘诀在于目标坚定有恒. Confidence in yourself is the first step on the road to success. 自信是走向成功的第一步.

Every man is the architect of his own fortune. 自己的命运自己掌握. Nothing in the world is difficult for one who sets his mind to it. 世上无难事,只怕有心人.

看看下面五句话中,哪句是过渡句,其它句子分 别起到什么作用? a. Family is a person’s best shelter. (开头句) b. I’m very glad to be a member of my family.

(开头—第一段过渡句)
c. I feel very glad being a member of my family. (过渡第一,第二段句) d. Family is very precious to a man (过渡第二,第三段句) e. So let’s cherish our families and enjoy being members of families. (结尾句)

Structure of the article
Beginning

Body 1

Body 2

Body …

Ending

文章的三段式如下:

段落一: 开头句----过渡句-----In my family My father…… My mother…… I……
段落二: 过渡句----两个方面---On one hand:-----In add

ition…. On the other hand----Besides . 段落三: 过渡句---结尾句 . So let’s cherish our families and enjoy being members of families.

如何结尾
重复中心思想 回到文章开头阐明的中心思想或主题句上, 达到再次肯定和强调的效果。

Family is very precious to a man. No one can live a happy life without his own family. So let’s cherish our families and enjoy being members of our families!

中考作文评分标准
2007、2008作文分标准: (7+7+2)=(内容+语言+组织结构) 2009 2010作文分标准: (7+8+3)= (内容+语言+组织结构) 2011 2012作文分标准: (8+8+4)= (内容+语言+组织结构)

内容: 是否紧扣主题, 是否涉及到所要求的几个方面

语言: 大小写、标点符号、单词拼写、词法、句法是 否正确, 字数是否达标
组织结构分: 内容充实,不写废话;上下文 连贯、用语规范、表达准确、无或少见语法错误;词 汇和句型句式运用恰当,多见好句型和习惯表达用语 者,可给3分。通篇句型、句式单一,词汇贫乏者,即 使无语法错误,一般亦不予给组织结构分。

实战演练,竞争比赛
改进后: Four years have passed since I first walked into the gate of my 1.句型单一,结构松散 “I want to do something for my school”.school. It’s hard to describe how much I love it. I just want to do (以“我想为学校做件事” ,2009年中考作文) something for my school. I want to Four years have passed since I first walked donate some money. into the gate of my school. I just want to do Though the classrooms are large, something for my school. I want to donate the teachers’ offices are small and some money. crowded. I hope my money can The teachers’ offices are small and make them bigger and better. crowded. I hope my money can make them What’s more, the books in our bigger and better. The books in our school school library are mostly too old to library are mostly too old to read. I want to read. I want to buy some new buy some new books. books. I must work hard. I believe where there’s a In order to make my dream come will, there’s a way. true, I must work hard. I believe where there’s a will, there’s a way.

(一)改错练习

2.东拉西扯
“Love around me”
(以“我身边的爱” 2008年中考作文)

改进后: Love is everywhere. My parents love me, my friends care about me. When I am in difficulties, they will pull me out of troubles. I feel delighted and thankful when I get love from them. I also want to do something to show my love to others. When they have some problems, I will try my best to help them. I do believe if we all love each other, then our world will become more and more beautiful.

Love is everywhere. My parents love me, my friends care about me. When I am in difficulties, they will pull me out of troubles. I feel delighted and thankful when I get love from them.My grandma often stays in th

e kitchen all day long, cooking foods which are healthy and delicious for me. My father isn’t good at expressing his emotions, but my mom said that he always kissed me good-night without letting me know at night. do believe if we all love each other, then our world will become more and more beautiful.

3.语法错误
a.动词的时态语态

? I’m very like animals. I taked it go to home. ? Another time, I send a boy to the hospital when he break his foot. ? At home, I always readings books.
b.搭配不符

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

When I was a children, I like play football. I always keep smile. Every one like my smile. I is a friendly, kind girl, do breakfast and lunch by myself. Proud can make me to be succeed. It is too difficult to me, but I have done it last. Although these things are not so surprised, but I help people when they are in need. I am proud of myself because me is a very good people.

c.名词单复数

4.脱离主题 I’m proud of myself.
(“我为自己而自豪”2010年中考作文) With the development of Shanghai, this modern city is becoming more and more beautiful. So as a Shanghainese, I’m proud of myself. The Shanghai World Expo attracts lots of visitors every day. It not only shows how wonderful Shanghai is, but also lets foreigners know that Shanghainese are lovely and friendly. I am a part of this city. To introduce my hometown to others is my pleasure. Oh, How pretty shanghai is! What can I say? I am a lovely Shanghainese! I am proud of myself!

(改错:文章偏题,写成I am proud of Shanghai了。)

5.中文式英语 If you are Joe, your friend Betty is upset because she cares too much about the result.
谈谈你的看法,并给她提点建议。(2012年中考作文)

Betty, you needn’t upset about a coming exam for she cares too much about the result, if you work hard, you will became better, if you don’t hard-work, you will became worse, so you needn’t worry about, I give you some advice, you should more hard-work, you should don’t watch TV in weekends, you should go over. I think you become better. (三类)

Mother does all that she can for us. (围绕主题扩展合理的内容)

She takes good care of my daily life. She cooks meals for me.
She takes me to hospital. Besides, She supports me in my study. She invites me to libraries. She helps me with my Maths. What’s more, She always encourages me. She tells me not to give up.

She suggests I have another try.

填词练习 (填入适当的连接词)
There are some advantages for students to be on online First of all ? ____________,students are able to enter your classroom when it is convenient for you. Then you can log on to your class in the evening or at the weekend. Your virtual classroom is open around the clock, seven days a week. ? ____________,If you can’t remember what your teacher said, all you In addition have to do is to reread his or her lecture. In most cases you will be able

to get a copy of the lecture. You will be able to review your teacher’s lecture without even getting online again. More importantly ? ____________, some students are shy. They are more willing to speak out their ideas on the discussion forum and are usually more likely to ask their teacher a question by email. They will feel more comfortable with this online interaction. However ? _____________,We have to say, the disadvantages to be an online student are clear. For example, the teachers can’t help you face to Besides face.___________, They won’t praise your work orally.
?

考前支招,提分策略 从学生写作上支招:
? 结构
?
? ? ? ?
?

开头背景+主题 发展段(内容合理阐述) 结尾总结升华决心憧憬
要有新意

? 内容
? 表达

连贯,好词好句和适当· 运用谚语等
分段写作

? 建议

从书面表达上支招
内容
与学生的学习、生活有关的,让学生有话可说,有 话能说的,并且能反映学生自己真实思想的作文。 文章要突出重点、详略得当。

语言
除了拼写,大、小写,标点符号使用准确以外,优秀的作 文应该符合英语语言的特点,应该体现语言的丰富多彩性, 句式多样性等要求。 结构 对文章合理分段,用好过渡词等。

整篇文章要遵循三个字:“新,实,我”

高分秘诀
? 预测作文 ? 主题训练 ? 套用文章

? 语言积累


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