1.你太晚了 You are too late
On a bus a man discovered a pickpocket's hand thrust into his pocket.
"sorry," he said to the pickpocket, "you are too late. MY wife did it before you." 在公共汽车上，有个人发现小偷把手伸到了他的口袋里o
2：What is your offense 你做了什么坏事
It was the Christmas season and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, “What is your offense?”
“I did my Christmas shopping early this year,” cried the prisoner.
“There's nothing wrong with that,” said the Judge. How early were you doing this shopping?” “这么做没错啊，”法官说：“到底多早之前啊？“
“Before the store opened, ”answered the prisoner.
3.Problem with gas放屁的问题
A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, ¨Doctor, I have this problem with gas, but it doesn't really bother me too much. They never small and are always silent.
As a matter Of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know l was farting because they don't smell and are silent.” The doctor says, ¨I see, Here's aprescription.
Take these piles 3 times a day for seven days and come back to see me next week." The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, ¨I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts…although still silent... stink terribly.
The doctor says, “Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's start working on your hearing."
Jerry went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "l've got trouble.Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. l'm going crazy!" "Just put yourself in my hands for one year, said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and l'II cure your fears." "How much do you charge?" one hundred dollars per visit. " I'll sleep on it, " said Jerry. Six months later the doctormet Jerry on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.¨For a hundred bucks a visit? The bartender cured me for$10．"" Is that so! How?"¨He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now!!!"
A tricky girl said, "Mom,I got a one hundred in school today!
The mom replied, "Great,SW8etie,tell me about it."
The girl reluctantly said,"Well,I got a twenty in math,a thirty in history and a fifty in spelling." 这个女孩不情愿地说："嗯，我数学得了20分，历史得了30分,拼写得了50分。