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妙趣横生的英语幽默故事汇(笑掉你的后槽牙)

发布时间:2014-01-01 09:00:42  

1.你太晚了 You are too late

On a bus a man discovered a pickpocket's hand thrust into his pocket.

"sorry," he said to the pickpocket, "you are too late. MY wife did it before you." 在公共汽车上,有个人发现小偷把手伸到了他的口袋里o

"对不起,"他对小偷说,"你太晚了,我妻子在你之前就做过同样的事情了。”

2:What is your offense 你做了什么坏事

It was the Christmas season and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, “What is your offense?”

圣诞佳节到来,法官心情愉悦地问犯人:“你做了什么坏事啊?”

“I did my Christmas shopping early this year,” cried the prisoner.

“我今年圣诞节购物早了些”犯人回答。

“There's nothing wrong with that,” said the Judge. How early were you doing this shopping?” “这么做没错啊,”法官说:“到底多早之前啊?“

“Before the store opened, ”answered the prisoner.

“商店开门之前“犯人答道。

3.Problem with gas放屁的问题

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, ¨Doctor, I have this problem with gas, but it doesn't really bother me too much. They never small and are always silent.

有位小老太太去看医生,她对医生说:”医生,我有爱放屁的毛病。其实也不是大问题,因为我放屁不臭而且没声音。

As a matter Of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know l was farting because they don't smell and are silent.” The doctor says, ¨I see, Here's aprescription.

事实上,自从我进了你办公室后,已经放了至少20个屁了,但是你并不知道对吧,因为我的屁不臭,而且还没声音。"医生说:“好的,我明白了。

Take these piles 3 times a day for seven days and come back to see me next week." The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, ¨I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts…although still silent... stink terribly.

吃这个药片,一天三次连续吃七天,下星期你再来。一个星期后,老太太来了,¨医生,你到底给的我什么药,现在我放屁还是没声音。

The doctor says, “Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's start working on your hearing."

但是怎么这么臭"医生说:太好了!既然你的嗅觉正常了,门开始治听觉吧。

4.Psychiatrist心理医生

Jerry went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "l've got trouble.Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. l'm going crazy!" "Just put yourself in my hands for one year, said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and l'II cure your fears." "How much do you charge?" one hundred dollars per visit. " I'll sleep on it, " said Jerry. Six months later the doctormet Jerry on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.¨For a hundred bucks a visit? The bartender cured me for$10."" Is that so! How?"¨He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now!!!"

杰瑞去看心理医生。¨医生,我有些不对劲。每次睡觉的时候,我都感觉有人在床下。我要疯了I?‘给我一年时间,¨医生说,“每周来三次,我会治好你。¨¨怎么收费呢?”¨每次一百美元。?‘我会认真考虑的。¨杰瑞答道。六个月后医生和杰瑞在街上相遇了,¨为什么你再也没来呢?¨医生问。¨一次一百块钱吗?有个酒吧服务生收了十块钱就把我治好了。真的?他怎么做到的?”他让我把床腿锯掉。现在那儿没人了!

5.我考了100分

A tricky girl said, "Mom,I got a one hundred in school today!

一个狡猾的女孩说:"妈妈,我今天在学校得了一个100分!"

The mom replied, "Great,SW8etie,tell me about it."

妈妈回答说:"太好了,小可爱。跟我说说情况."

The girl reluctantly said,"Well,I got a twenty in math,a thirty in history and a fifty in spelling." 这个女孩不情愿地说:"嗯,我数学得了20分,历史得了30分,拼写得了50分。

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