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2010级四班第一次话题作文 段文芳老师 批改意见反馈

发布时间:2013-12-31 14:59:04  

I. 闪光点

II. 问题

1. 标题

2. 结构


3. 词汇错误

1) 单词拼写

Choic, fellowed, challeges

2) 介词+

adapt… to confront; be beneficial in improve

In campus

Cultivate them learn to be independent

Get… is a …


Their learning only froms books


They are just judged the graduates from the academic grades thus some graduates … have much pressure…

However, therefore


release academic pressure is quite …

take a job can reduce…

… between make money and get knowledge

After graduate


…dull and bring life will roll around.


We may have so …They can’t hardworking

Others in favor of they opposite view.

The students lack of work experience.

I will success.

I have to follow-through.

4. 中文式英文

… we are just a student who does students should do

I have some ideas want to share with you.

Only in both knowledge and experience in order to better find the way to success.

They thought most just left campus students tent to idealize their life.

There still have some students promote their study…

…high goals cause they miss opportunities

5. 句法错误

1)Run-on sentences 连写句 (不会断句,使用句号)

They think that geting into business for other reasons besides the money the more education you have, the less money you make.

… college life has a lot of …, we need to mobilize our initiative.


This is one of the pressing problems confronting our society is employment.

Life have no targets is lamentable .

There be

There are also have many students pay attention..

There are many Ss make their effort to…

There are a lot of things make you embarrassed…

There has no ice left them for rest

There have a person

…this is a question puzzles the Ss.

It’s as a result of they always have sth. On their mind.

… who knows avoid his weakness.

3)片段句 sentence fragments

For it is essential to their maturity

When we shopping online

Graduate employment structural imbalance between supply and demand contradiction, so I think…

It is high time for us to study hard… and the using the spare time to broaden….

Because we are students now.

So, just browsing around the internet, searching… , and with the trend of the times, with the ever-increasing number of e-shopping crowd, starting your tour of e-shopping.

Not only working well, but also studying well.

Because their taking part-time job.

When it comes to the college life that should be meaningful and colorful.

4)Be+情态动词, be+动词原形

It’s not only can save …

It is quite influence…

Small cities… need talent, small business, there are a large number… . what’s more, …

The employers are tend to..

To find a job… is rest with ourselves.

My mark was fall behind others.

I was not flinch at sth.

Everyone will be get old.

I’m share the view…

We are not only get…


… it stand in the way…

… a large number of employees was laid off

…some people has

…doing part-time jobs help students..


A person who cannot climb the summit of the mountain, he or she do not know the …

4. 其它错误

1)Because … so

… and because of that communication become an essential part in society. So we have to make more friends…


We also can

3)… get a satisfied job

4)As college moments passing by

With time pass by

5)When we doing a part-time job…


Are You a Slave to Your Cell Phone?

Who Touched Our Hometown?

Are we Still the Apple of the Society?

1. 名词作动词

Such as we choice a small fish or a big one.

2. 片段句 (不用连词,不用句号,分号,多个句子放在一个句子中;副词作连词 )

In regard to exercise, many people are passive, therefore, they have…, they are infected with…, at the same time, using…drugs cripple our body.

Because some graduates run their own business…

3. 无谓语动词

These two events and the only use of nuclear weapons in war to date.

4. 多个动词连用

I can give everyone an assurance that do exercise one hour everyday keep you away from doctor. Thousands of people visit an area or climb mountain easily result in soil hardening.

There are so many graduates flood to laborer market.

Fast food also make us can do nothing.

College life begin means that we can get rid of our parents’ control…

There is a pair of such lovers, they fall in love is for their own future.

…so they choose fall in love to kill the time.

Opinions are vary from person to person.

5. 形容词作副词

A good environment can make us living healthy.

6. 主谓一致

Why does college students find it difficult to …?

It drive forward… and bring in …

It not rely solely on professional skills and knowledge but experience.

7. there be

There also have the person who just want a well-paid job.

There has no ice left them for rest.

8. 可数名词与不可数名词

Work, job

9. such as , for example.

10. 形容词作名词

We also can get happy from it.

11. 定从

The college has a large libraries where have amounts of books.

12. so that

So that unemployment be considered as the first problem of Chinese problems.

13. 缺少谓语


…they always brace to overcome them.

So I hope love in the college fulls of sunshine.

Then they both toward their common goal to move forward constantly.

14. 宾从

…we can choose that what we want in the job market.


The question that which is the best way to stay health…

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