Today, I watched as my grandma beat the shit out of my dad at the zoo. 今天，在动物园里我目睹了奶奶暴打我老爸的全程。
Today, my boyfriend left me for another girl. My dad's reaction to the news and my tears was to say, "Aww. Gonna write a song about it, Taylor Swift?"
Today, my dad got me a GPS for my birthday. I appreciate the sentiment, but I don't have a permit or a car.
Today, I found my dad drunk, sitting on the bathroom floor crying. When I asked him why, he said, "My son is gay." I'm his only child, and I'm a girl.
Today, I was diagnosed with severe nut allergies. My dad decided to buy jars of Nutella, write "You know you want this" on them, and stick them around the house.
Today, my dad invited our very cute neighbor inside to introduce him to me. I was wearing pajamas and hadn't showered in two days due to being extremely sick.
Today, my drunk dad decided to wake me up by lobbing our cat directly into my now-mauled face.
Today, I decided to introduce my boyfriend to my parents. My dad just looked him dead in the eyes and said, "How much did she pay you? "